It has been three years since I finished university. I spent a year giving film work ago – as we all know that didn’t quite work out. But for the past 2 years I have been struggling to find full time work that I enjoy. My plan was to get a normal job and make my own films in my spare time. But spare time is not enough, I have not made a creative film within the past 3 years.
The problem is a full time job takes up all of my energy. I have full time work now but I am not enjoying my job at all, which is eating away at my confidence. I have been trying to find another job these past few months, I have been applying for more proper jobs that require a media degree and also for basic jobs such as waitressing. I have so far not been successful in finding another job this year.
I am stuck now working at a toxic job that is making me feel bad inside, I am unsure what the next step should be. I need money to pay the bills and a full time job I don’t hate would mean a lot. All I can do is keep applying for work but with 2 years of failed job applications I am starting to loose hope with this plan. Maybe I wont be able to find a full time media job in Liverpool. Maybe I wont even be able to find a full time waitressing job in Liverpool either.
If anything the greatest progress I have made over these past few years is figuring out what type of films I would like to make. At least now I have ideas, stories and scripts that could be made into films. I wish I could just put up with work for the time being, leave the stress behind when I finish work each day and focus on making films. But it is depressing me having to get up each morning and do I job I can’t stand.
I may find another job within these next few months or I may not. I hope that no matter where my financial security or happiness levels are at – that this year I will still make the short film that I have in mind to make before this year ends. But I can not guarantee it, life gets in the way, it is very frustrating to feel so stuck.